The central heat is back! Yes! And we have brand new thermostat that can be programed to turn the heat on and off to take the temperature up and down just by plugging in the numbers. You just tell it if you want the temperature to drop a few degrees while you sleep and then awaken to warmth. When I got home last night, I just drank in the comfort of warmth, the sound of warm air whirring through our vents. I adore the sound of rushing air.

Clean vs. Trashy; Drug Addict Parents vs. Evil Stepmother: This was the custody case that took us well into the darkness of night yesterday. And we're not finished with the case either. When my judge called me into his chambers to pick MY brain about what I thought he should do on a temporary basis, I mentally said, "Uh-oh, we're in trouble if he's looking to me for advice."

Here's the deal. Father and Evil Stepmother have petitioned the Court for custody. Mother and Stepfather have been arrested numerous times for felony drug problems. Mother, however, has drug tested clean the past three times. Stepfather has not. Mother's house has three bedrooms and one makeshift master bedroom wherein part of the dining room has been sectioned off. Two bathrooms. Seven people reside there; four children, Mother and Stepfather, and Grandma. Grandma is the only one who works at a real job. Department of Human Services has been summoned to deal with what they call, an environmental concern. Cockroaches. Hundreds and hundreds of them in the house as well as in the car/van. Head lice on the children. Trash piled up outside covering the trampoline and strewn about the yard. A half-filled with now stagnate water inflatable swimming pool. Ms. DHS investigator says the family is making progress inside the house, which appears,she says, cleaner than the last time she surprised them with a visit. Pictures were exhibited and received into evidence. On the plus side, the children who are school age are straight A students and appear to be happy, completely oblivious to Mother and Stepfather's felony drug problems and arrests. Mother helps them with their homework and lets them participate in band and sports. They love their mother and accept the stepfather, who basically ignores them. Gosh, at least he's not abusive, physically or otherwise... yet. Let's hope never. The children in question clearly stated that they want to live with Mother and Drug-Addict Stepfather. They HATE the Evil Stepmother who they are forced by court order to visit.

Father and Evil Stepmother have two natural children plus Evil Stepmother's children from a previous marriage (we are dealing with the children in that case as well -- not good. Not good at all. But that's another story for another day). Father gets his kids for visitation every other weekend and shares holidays. Father is a work-a-holic, even when the kids are in his custody. On the plus side, at least he has a job and takes his job seriously. He pays his child support like clockwork. He is diligent about exercising visitation. Their home is clean. Ultra clean. On the minus side, Evil Stepmother is taking care of everyone, her kids, his kids, their kids. They also have a three bedroom, two bathroom home. Four children live in that home full time, so you can only imagine what a full house they have when Father's children come visit. And Evil Stepmother has no qualms about screaming at the top of her lungs and slapping and spanking, which she does frequently and openly. Doesn't matter if it's her kids, his kids or their kids. And like Cinderella's stepmother, she expects the kids to work around the house. Now, I don't know that chores are such a bad thing for kids. But I get the idea that they (step-kids are the "they" I'm referring to) are expected to do the lion's share of the work when they visit, as step-mom cracks the whip, literally. I've dealt with Evil Stepmother in the past in another case, as I mentioned before. She's got issues, believe me. She's ugly. She's large. She's tall. She's scary. I honestly think her husband is too afraid of her to stand up and put his foot down about how she treats his children. His answer is to stay gone when his children visit, working weekends. Mr. Breadwinner.

After looking at the pictures submitted yesterday, I wanted to come straight home and take a shower. Then I wanted to clean the entire bathroom with bleach. Even though it was dark out, I wanted to sweep and scrub the floors and the walls and sweep the porch and the deck. I wanted to vacuum my car. I wanted to make sure every bit of paper and trash was picked up. I want to use my quiet voice when I speak. I want to be gentle and kind. I got out the few prescription bottles we have and wondered inwardly what people might think about them. Bio-identical hormones. Allergy medicine. That's it. Don't think I'm addicted to anything but food and chocolate, so I guess I'm safe. Dwain's addicted to his laptop and his camera, but I don't think that's against the law.

I can't believe how down I am. Why? Why am I down? It's just not like me to feel this way. I don't like this feeling one little bit. I've got to search for the cause before I can find the cure. Have you ever wanted someone to invent a type of tape or glue, something like that to pull that muscle and skin around your lips up, something to force that smile to stay in place? Well, I'd pay good money for an invention like that. I'd at least look happier than I feel.

The gray, drippy, overcast, rainy, coolish weather isn't helping either. I just plain ol' need a good dose of sunshine. I'd hold my face up to to the sky and breath it in. I've got every light in the house on too, in an attempt to create a false sunshine of sorts. Some website suggested that was a good thing to do to brighten ones mood. I'm not being very "green" this evening.

I miss the members of my family who are scattered all over creation these days; Salt Lake City, Tacoma, Colorado Springs, Galveston. Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo, conversations held that way help a little, but they don't feel close and loving. The dearly departed are the ones I miss the most. The conversations I have with them in my head feel very one sided. I can't believe I am saying this, but I miss listening to their wisdom -- the stories they wanted to share with me when I was younger -- stories and wisdom that I never had time to completely listen to because I was busy doing whatever. I'd listen now.

My dishwasher is currently not working. *Service Man said it needed a whole new electrical control panel, which, after an additional service call to install, will cost just shy of what a new dishwasher will cost. We just bought this one in 2005. You'd think it would last longer than four/five years. I must have been really hard on this one because it seems to me that our last one lasted at least 10 years. And I'm not sure if the one my parents had ever was replaced, even if it did sound like a 747 Jet when it ran.
*Service man spent an additional hour bending my ear about every service call he'd made over the past several weeks and about computers in new appliances, and his Jeep and his latest hunting trip down south and how his piece of crap Jeep conked out right on Interstate 40 until his buddy fetched him and helped him tow his piece of crap Jeep to a dealer, where he told said dealer what they could do with his vehicle because he was getting something more reliable. Next time Service Man comes to our house, which will probably be the day he installs the new dishwasher, I will not be home. Me and conversations about anything with a motor, large or small, is not something I excel in. And don't get me started how I feel about hunters and tales of hunting trips.

The furnace worked Saturday morning. Now it's not working. And it's cold. And the repairman isn't sure when he can "work us in" due to the onslaught of frantic calls from The Others who evidently left frantic messages over the weekend, where I was polite enough to wait until eight o'clock this morning to make my own frantic call. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. Since we've been such good customers over the past 20 years.

Later. I'll feel better later.